Coping With End Of Life Of A Parent

 

Introduction

In this article, I am writing about an issue that is very close to my heart. It is about caring for my Mum who is nearing the end of her earthly sojourn.

I can tell you that this is a very challenging and difficult period and stage of my life as well as those of my siblings.

For me personally, I find that I am going through a range of emotions. Some days I feel calm and controlled and other days I feel overwhelmed. I can see my life fleeting across my minds eyes in rapid progress. My Mum, who is a very spiritual, loving, kind-hearted, sincere, soft-spoken, caring, honest & talented lady is fading away into the other world. I can almost sense that she has got one foot in the spiritual realm.

However, because of the way I have been brought up by this amazing lady, I feel a certain reassurance on where she is going to be for eternity. And I know that I will join her in that peaceful place sometime in the future.

I would now like to bring up some key points that I am experiencing and considering at this stage of my life.

In my final analysis, I will provide further insights on the spiritual aspects of this journey. This is because for me as a human being, I am firstly spiritual in dimension, and then all other aspects – physical, mental, social and such flow from it.

Emotional Support

 

·        Communicate Openly: Share your feelings with friends, family, or a support group. Open communication can help you feel less isolated and more supported during this difficult time.

·        Seek Professional Help: A therapist or counsellor can provide a space to process emotions and offer coping strategies. Don’t hesitate to seek professional help if you’re feeling overwhelmed.

·        Allow Yourself to Grieve: Grieving can start before the actual loss, and it’s important to recognize and allow yourself to feel these emotions. Understand that anticipatory grief is a normal response and part of the process.

 

 

Practical Care

·        Medical Care: Ensure they receive appropriate medical care and pain management. This may involve hospice or palliative care services, which focus on comfort and quality of life. Regularly consult with healthcare providers to stay informed about their condition and care options.

·        Daily Care: Help with daily activities such as bathing, dressing, and eating if necessary. Assist with mobility to prevent falls and ensure they are comfortable and safe.

·        Comfort Measures: Make them as comfortable as possible, managing pain and other symptoms, and creating a soothing environment. Consider playing their favorite music, adjusting lighting, and using aromatherapy to create a peaceful atmosphere.

 

Legal and Financial Matters

·        Documentation: Ensure all necessary legal documents are in order, such as a will, power of attorney, and advance directives. These documents will outline their wishes and appoint someone to make decisions on their behalf if they become unable to do so.

·        Financial Planning: Be aware of their financial situation and make necessary arrangements for expenses related to care. This might include reviewing insurance policies, understanding benefits, and exploring financial assistance programs.

 

 

Self-Care

·        Rest: Make sure you get enough sleep and take breaks when needed. Exhaustion can lead to burnout, making it harder to provide care.

·        Nutrition: Eat well to maintain your energy levels. A balanced diet can help you stay strong and healthy during this stressful time.

·        Exercise: Physical activity can help reduce stress and improve your mood. Even short walks or stretching can make a difference.

 

Resources

·        Support Groups: These can offer comfort and advice from others in similar situations. Sharing experiences can provide validation and emotional relief.

·        Professional Caregivers: Hiring help can relieve some of the burden. Professional caregivers can provide specialized care, allowing you to focus on spending quality time with your loved one.

·        Hospice Services: They provide comprehensive care focused on quality of life for those at the end of life. Hospice teams often include doctors, nurses, social workers, and chaplains who can offer holistic support.

 

Communication

·        With the Relative: Have open and honest conversations about their wishes and preferences. Encourage them to share their thoughts and feelings, and listen without judgment.

·        With Family: Keep other family members informed and involved in decision-making. Regular family meetings can help ensure everyone is on the same page and reduce misunderstandings or conflicts.

 

Additional Tips

·        Create a Routine: Establishing a daily routine can provide structure and a sense of normalcy for both you and your loved one.

·        Document Memories: Take time to reminisce and document cherished memories. This can be a therapeutic activity for both you and your loved one.

Now, I shall touch base on Spiritual Aspects of Caring.

 

Engaging Spiritual Advisors

·        Clergy Visits: If your loved one has a connection with a religious community, arrange for their clergy or spiritual advisor to visit. Regular visits can provide comfort, spiritual guidance, and a sense of peace.

·        Chaplain Services: Many hospitals and hospice organizations have chaplains who are trained to offer spiritual support to people of all faiths and beliefs. They can provide prayers, rituals, and a listening ear.

 

 

Incorporating Religious Practices

·        Prayer and Meditation: Encourage regular prayer or meditation if these practices are meaningful to your loved one. You can join them or provide a quiet space for personal reflection.

·        Religious Rituals: Engage in religious rituals that are significant to your loved one. This might include reading sacred texts, performing specific rites, or celebrating religious holidays.

 

 

Creating a Spiritual Environment

·        Music and Readings: Play religious or spiritual music and read passages from sacred texts that bring comfort and peace.

 

 

Supporting Spiritual Conversations

·        Open Dialogue: Encourage open conversations about their spiritual beliefs, fears, and hopes. Listen actively and validate their feelings.

·        Life Review: Help them reflect on their life, discussing meaningful experiences and accomplishments. This can provide a sense of closure and fulfillment.

 

Finding Community Support

·        Religious Communities: Reach out to their religious community for additional support. Many religious organizations offer services such as meal delivery, companionship, and prayer groups.

·        Online Communities: There are numerous online communities and forums where people share spiritual support and guidance. This can be particularly helpful if in-person support is limited.

 

Spiritual Care Resources

·        Books and Articles: There are many books and articles available that focus on spiritual care at the end of life.

·        Non-Profit Organizations: Organizations like the Hospice Foundation of America, Uniting Care in Australia and others, provide resources and guidance on spiritual care in hospice settings.

·        Counselling Services: Some therapists specialize in spiritual counselling and can offer support tailored to your loved one’s beliefs.

 

Personalized Rituals and Practices

·        Custom Rituals: Create personalized rituals that are meaningful to your loved one. This might include lighting candles, reciting personal affirmations, or creating a memory book.

·        Legacy Projects: Engage in activities that help your loved one leave a legacy, such as writing letters to family members, recording personal stories, or creating art.

 

Self-Care for the Caregiver

·        Spiritual Support for Yourself: Ensure you also seek spiritual support for yourself. Engage in your own spiritual practices or seek guidance from your spiritual advisor.

·        Join Support Groups: Look for caregiver support groups that focus on spiritual care and coping with end-of-life issues. Sharing your experiences can provide comfort and reduce feelings of isolation.

 

Conclusion

I am now coming to accept the reality and fragility of my Mum's situation. It is the most difficult thing to do - to learn to let go of someone you love very, very dearly. Someone who was your unchanging guide post and the ever-present source of wisdom and knowledge in the storms that I have faced in my life from time-to-time.

I might not have mentioned this, but I am now in USA where my Mum is living with a sister of mine. My sister has been an enormous support for my Mum and to all of her siblings. She is also an MD so she knows the various stages of what my Mum is going through.

I am planning to spend quality time with my Mum for at least the next 2 weeks together with all my siblings.

I hope my sharing this post with you will provide you with relevant, meaningful and valuable information.

Further Reading

If you like additional reading material on these topics, I have got some books noted below: 

1. New Perspectives on The End Of Life - Lloyd Steffen & Nate Hinerman

2. The Hospice Handbook - Nurse Debbie's Compassionate Guide To Navigating End-Of-Life Care - Debbie J. Johnston

3. Final Gifts - Understanding the Special Needs, Awareness and Communications of the Dying - Magggie Callanan and Patricia Kelley